T o r n

I thought I saw a girl brought to life
She was warm, she came around like she was dignified
She showed me what it was to cry
Well you couldnt be that girl I adored
You dont seem to know, dont seem to care what your heart is for
But I dont know her anymore
Theres nothing where she used to lie
My conversation has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings fine Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn

So I guess the fortune tellers right
Should have seen just what was there and not some holy light
To crawl beneath my veins and now
I dont care, I have no luck, I dont miss it all that much
Theres just so many things that I cant touch, Im torn

Im all out of faith, this is how I feel
Im cold and I am shamed lying naked on the floor
Illusion never changed into something real
Im wide awake and I can see the perfect sky is torn
Youre a little late, Im already torn. torn.

Theres nothing where she used to lie
My inspiration has run dry
Thats whats going on, nothings right, Im torn

- Natalie Imbruglia

I W I S H

>>--( J U S T C A N T G E T Y O U O F M Y M I N D)-->>
specially dedicated to my heart..

You are my sweetie pie and the only one who can make my heart feel the way I feel Jaan.
Our fights continue to be the defining period of my life.
Remembering you with thoughts of better times we had.
If I try enough, I can remember. All the things you said, all the time.
Now I'm alone, and I don't know why. Do you see me scream, can you hear me cry.
Wish I could make you understand in person.
The place you always felt most safe, I thought it was me.
But, I was wrong. Was I stupid? I don't know.
My world has never been the same and not a day or hour goes by when I don't stop and think of you.
I continue to ride this life of terrible feeling of being alone without you around.
I can never, ever, forget you. I cannot wait to see you. But, you don't want to meet me.
Wish you could realize soon how much you mean to me.
It won't be late Jaan. I can wait my whole lifetime.
But, cannot wait any longer I got to meet you soon my Jaan.

A L o n g T I m e

Oh My! It's been a long time since I thought of writing. I am back and you know why? Because I feel lonely. All that I have is you to talk to when I have no one talk. This reminds me of a sweet poem, remembrance of someone. The poem was sent to me by my friend but it reminds me of someone else. How complicated is life? :D

To me you are a row of green characters, sounding lovely.
You are a flat letter, which can be kissed while feeling nothing.
Your name written low is reminiscent of a cat's fur and it
stretches, long, when I pronounce it. I would like to touch
you like I touch your name. But I am afraid of the moment
when I see your brows and lips. There are so many lines killing
tenderness and so many dimmed lights not whispering of love.
I would like to get to know you by touch, I would like you to
come over at night, bend over me sleeping, and leave again, just
like the moon. I would then stop watching my fixed window and
I would fall asleep snuggled in the scent you left.

T o B e O r N o t T o B e..................

Hi People! Its my Birthday today. *Happy birthday to me happy birthday to me …happy birthday to me happy birthday to me.* Hahaha. Am at work now, sad na. Yea. I know it sucks being at work on my birthday. There was no jollification as such as of now. I had only 2 of my closest people who remembered I am alive and called me to wish me today. Ahh! Am happy at least some people did, and again its midnight and people would be sleeping at this time anyways. How mean of me to expect all of them to call me at this hour.Hahaha. After which I had my whole team who kind of sang the Happy Birthday song for me. It was sweet. Then had a round of birthday bums from couple of my friends at work. Ouch! My butt is aching. So, that about it how my birthday started. By the way am 26 years old as of today. Can you believe it, 26 F%^&*$ years. Opps! Hahaha..

Anyways, my computer at home is kind of flaked out. I mean my OS is fragmented. I have no idea how the hell did a virus get into my OS. I hate this; I so much miss my so called man made object. (Anyways cannot rely on man made objects :-( ). So, yesterday I did not get time to fix it up, I mean I have to format it with the OS once again, do some partition and get the data back. So, will work on it sometime soon or when I get time otherwise. I hope I get my data back I dont want to loose any of it; I have a lot of things close to my heart. Wish me luck people. :-( I have lots of stuff to write about. I wish i can soon. If you get time please check on the things happening in Bangalore on the net.

So, I might not be able to post my thought as often as I did all while, till I get my comp fixed. Till then take care be good and enjoy the spirit of life. Muuuaahhh! Bye.

M i d n i g h t M o o d s

Its 3:45am Monday. Just woke up to a weird dream. I was like getting down from the car on the highway with no one around me, just standing in the middle of the road. I got no idea what it meant. Anyways, I did get to drive a yellow car (no idea which make) in my dreams. Its not my car, because mine is a black colour.

I wouldnt do anything today. Nothing at all. Well, I will do some of my reading, but thats it no run today. I just want to sleep. Sometime I feel I dont know my derivative rules about Life. Oh shit! I am all alone right now. Wish my friends were online to talk.

43.50 Hours to go, after which I will be one more year old. Sob.so.sob. Hahaha. Life must go on, thinking about how my lifes been all these 25 years. I feel I have come a long way with my experiences with people, career, love, & life. Things have been excellent, joyous, good, bad, ugly and worse at times. Thinking about life and people around. I remember this 1 book called *The Little Prince* a gift from a friend. The statements by the little prince in the book, has had an effect on my whole perspective about life in some way I feel. The simple things which I overlooked at times. The real value of small simple things in life makes a Hugh difference at some point or the other. It does for me, dont know about you people. You can say a whole meaning of life can be known in this book. First when I started to read this book, I used to read it when ever I get time ( In – between work etc.) But, my friend said *no* you got to put in your heart and read it. Yes, she was so right. You really need a heart to understand whats little prince or the perspectives of life is all about. Then I went about reading it at home. This book gave out a whole new perspective about what human nature, life, love, quench for knowledge and the concept of death is all about, its so true. Realization about my life. Wish I could have been more like the little prince. But, nothing else matters than experiencing the true profound contempt of one self. My life so far…^&*$#@%^ it’s not swearing, its my thoughts right now which I just want to keep it to myself.

Damn this mobile! When I get a SMS I think its someone who loves me. But it turns out to be a SMS from my service provider enquiring about my wish list and that they will let all my friends know about it. For Christ sake its F$%^&* 4:10am and all they want to know is my wish list. Its so irritating Aah!

Anyways, do we need to have a wish list? Uuum. Seems right everyone must be having one. I didnt think of replying back to them. But, thinking about it yes I too have a wish list. Here I go…

I wish I never felt lonely,
I wish I was surrounded with people, whom I love for life,
I wish I could have the gift of being happy and to be loved,
I wish I could fly,
I wish I had a Time machine to go back in time and fix somethings right,
I wish I was never born (at times…),
I wish I could kill myself (which doesn’t happen, because I love this wonderful thing called *Life*)
I wish I was dead,
I wish I could make everyone understand how I feel.

Hahaha. Funny wish list na. This is how I feel thinking about what I want in my life right now. Anyways, got to go now. Feeling sleeeepppppyyyyyy. Evening I have to move my ass to work as usual. The WEEKz started. Happy working for working people and happy whatever to all the people doing whatever you doing?. C ya all soon.

L i g h t M e

Before I start babbling bout anything... I want you all to be informed "Am back" with my mother wit.Hahaha... I thought you all should know. Me feeling 100000000000% myself :-) Why? How? Ummm... No clue... can't say supposedly...hahaha... It might have been the talk I had yesterday with the one person who means the world to me. But you know how when you just want to talk to someone but you don’t have much to say, or if you do... you don't really want to say those things, but then you outset to talk and talk and talk... Well... that happened. Am happy .I'm going to be happy with what I have. But, if life’s rollercoaster is low, people you got to talk to someone or somebody who is close to your heart out and. Bingo....you are on track back. Happy in life since Yesterday. Thinking about yesterday... this songs pop's into my mind from H.I.M band... You got to check this awesome rock band... emotions just run through my heart every time I listen to these guys amazing numbers like "Funeral of hearts" - "sacrament" - "Love you like I do" - "Join me" - "Right here in my arms" - "It's all tears" and many more .. Ahh! Some of the numbers which are close to my heart goes like this...
H.I.M -"And Love Said No" And love's light blue. Led me to you. Through all the emptiness that had become my home...Love's lies cruel...Introduced me to you...And at that moment I knew I was out of hope ...Kill me...I begged and love said no...Leave me...for dead and let me go...Kill me...I cried and love said no...Kill me...I cried and love said no...Love's icy tomb...Dug open for you...Lies in a cemetery that bears my name...Love's violent tune...From me to you...Rips your heart out and leaves you...bleeding with a smile on your face...Kill me...I begged and love said no...Leave me...for dead and let me go...Kill me...I cried and love said no...Kill me...I cried and love said no...And love said no...And love's light blue...Took me from you...And at that moment I knew I was out of hope ... ............ H.I.M -"Sacrament" - I hear you breathe so far from me...I feel your touch so close and real...And I know...My church is not of silver and gold,...It's glory lies beyond judgement of souls...The commandments are of consolation and warmth...You know our sacred dream won't fail...The sanctuary tender and so frail...The sacrament of love...The sacrament of warmth is true...The sacrament is you...I hear you weep so far from me...I taste your tears like you're next to me...And I know...My weak prayers are not enough to heal...Oh the ancient wounds so deep and so dear...The revelation is of hatred and fear...You know our sacred dream won't fail...The sanctuary tender and so frail...The sacrament of love...The sacrament of warmth is true...The sacrament is you...The sacrament is you...The sacrament is you...The sacrament is you...The sacrament is you...You know our sacred dream won't fail...The sanctuary tender and so frail...The sacrament of love...The sacrament of warmth is true...The sacrament is you...You know our sacred dream won't fail...The sanctuary tender and so frail...The sacrament of love...The sacrament of warmth is true...The sacrament is you...
Check their new album "DARK LIGHT", amazing videos and songs @ http://heartagram.com

D r u n k i n g M e

Coming to yesterday, it was one hell of a day... I don't drink in the first place. I mean I used to drink B I G time (i.e. college days)... have quit now... Yesterday was one bloody hell or you can say party time...had a long day though...or say celebration day that i was happy. So, I went out with Jess and my friends from work. Things went well and I got so F#$%%^ drunk that... hahahaha... my f#$%^& head wants to just explode right now...ouch... it's hurting ...i mean my head ... got this bad migrane from yesterday's drinking sessions. Holy cow thinking about it... makes me wonder how the hell did i ever think of drinking so much. I had like say pretty much ... hahahaha... am still in that bloody mood... Excuse me please...hahaha...sorry...The probability is so high that I am addressing this column to all of those with a hangover.hahaha... F$%^ Me. I will never every drink again... again... agai i i i n n n n...