D r u n k i n g M e

Coming to yesterday, it was one hell of a day... I don't drink in the first place. I mean I used to drink B I G time (i.e. college days)... have quit now... Yesterday was one bloody hell or you can say party time...had a long day though...or say celebration day that i was happy. So, I went out with Jess and my friends from work. Things went well and I got so F#$%%^ drunk that... hahahaha... my f#$%^& head wants to just explode right now...ouch... it's hurting ...i mean my head ... got this bad migrane from yesterday's drinking sessions. Holy cow thinking about it... makes me wonder how the hell did i ever think of drinking so much. I had like say pretty much ... hahahaha... am still in that bloody mood... Excuse me please...hahaha...sorry...The probability is so high that I am addressing this column to all of those with a hangover.hahaha... F$%^ Me. I will never every drink again... again... agai i i i n n n n...

C o u n t D o w n B e g a n W h e n I W a s B o r n

I am getting a year old in few days. I feel so old right now. I feel am 99 and might touch 100. I just want to say I love my life with the ups and downs. Right now my life is in the downs. I miss so many things in life. I miss being myself most of the time these days. Wish I was me, myself. :-(


An hour back snap of the biggest confused Homeo Sapien

M y L i f e T o d a y

Very hungry right now, back from the run. Forget how much I did today? I am damn tired and with the current situations, the worries in my life. I kind of just want to shut myself and die. Wish my soul dies. Just inner pain, no outer. Until I get to speak to someone. Just wondering how many of them go through this kind of feeling? I wish I was normal. Which cannot be here after...Who can give me answers? If only the someone...Forget it I don’t feel like writing anything anymore...Am dead tired now and i don't want anyone to misinterpret my words...

Y o u G a v e M e H o p e Y o u T h r e w M e D o w n

>>--( T h i n k i n g o f y o u)-->>
specially dedicated to me..

As each day goes by, I think of you smile and get a big one myself,
The way you were around me when I needed you the most,
When I cried, when I was kind of lost in life,
The way you consoled me about life and things I got to do,
I sit and think, if it was people like you,
Whom everyone calls an angle from heaven.

Looking back in time, about all those little things,
I never thought I’d miss all those conversations we had,
The thoughts we shared, the laughs we had together,
Am always curious about the way things might have been,
As each day passes by, wish everything was the same.

I want you to understand that I loved you from the beginning
And will always do till the end, this is me,
All I want you to know, many miles that we are apart,
You’ll always hold a special place in my heart,
You are still my number 1, missing you so deeply.

N o T h i s C a n 't B e H a p p e n i n g

Its 5:43pm. Time to get moving my ass to work. I don't want to go to work today, not feeling good. No not as in physically, it's the mental thing. But, I got to be at office today having this presentation. Aah! I hate myself. Sometimes I want to say to "F U C K M E - F U C K M E -F U C K M E -F U C K M E -F U C K M E -F U C K M E -F U C K M E -F U C K M E " remembering the "E X O C I S T" dialogue. Hahaha... am mad though... see you got to go now.

C o n t e n d e d M e e

Helloooooo! My thoughts dump. It’s 8:38am. Am back from the run, took bath and had 3 garama garam “Chapathi’s” with “Sabzi”. As usual couldn’t make it to the 3km mark. Huff.. Did somewhere between 2.5 – 3 km I suppose. Anyways, am happy today the way things went at work yesterday through today. I had this huge 11 + 1 slides presentation to be done by EOD – End of my Day at work. So, finished it at the nick of time. I would have to present it to couple of my team members and explain why anyone would want to give their best towards anything they do in life. Wish me luck. Hahaha… that’s ok can manage without any, as this must be my 1000000000000001st presentation in front of a crowd I suppose. Hahaha…

Hey, people who would have observed my previous Blog and my present one. (I.e. this one dumbooooo.) There is a lot of change with words na. Yea, I know. The last Blog was just random sentences with random thoughts. I have been more cautious the way I write nowadays (i.e. Punctuation, Grammar a little ok, etc.). It’s self conscious about things we do in life, and of course need to do things the right way or don’t even waste your energy thinking about doing them. Express you self, express it the right way.

Yesterday, I had a huge talk with my close pal Harsha who is settled in Australia. Boy O boy was I happy to know he was happy with the way life’s been with him since he moved to Australia. Yes, I was. The good part is my boy is getting married to his long time girlfriend this Feb 2006. WOW, I feel happy for them, I know both of them very well and it makes me feel great thinking about them. I miss him really. Now, harsh u freak don’t bloody be on cloud nine knowing this. Ass, get down on your feet now. Hahaha…I really miss you maga. (“Maga” local language = Dude).

So, life is taking its sweet turn with people around me. I don’t know when my life would take its turn the right way. Am still searching and still counting on my stars, someday when am like old as in O L D. I wish to be contended with the way life’s taken me to that stage. Holy shit am getting into this philosophical psyching shit again…ooohahahaha... :-) .eeekkkkksssss….
Now, it’s time to get on with my homework, the Dictionary stuff you know. Have stopped at page 35 with the word “At-tune” – to cause to become used to or ready for. E.g. People are not really attuned to my way of thinking. After this I would sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeppppppppppp, am so tired, but got to do what we got to do in life. Will see you later by afternoon.

B e t t e r T h a n T h e B e s t

Its 4:23am, me at office. Just getting laid back wanted to talk to someone, and here I am.

I am engaged on a presentation right now, which is called “Better than the Best”. It’s about what I learnt in one of my management training program called “ON TRACK”. It’s about making difference at work. The first slide contains something like this “Life and work at times is not the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way it is, the way we cope with it is what makes the difference.” Nice na.Hahaha… I love it. Had to brain storm myself for sometime to get some words, which are eye…, opps… ear catchy...?

Anyways, the presentation contains 11 slides, which engages on Common employee complaints, Coaching, Performance Measurement Analysis and Management.

Hey, by the way the point on common employee complaints analysis. Some experts estimate that 15% of our financial success comes from our skills and knowledge, while 85% comes from our ability to connect with other people and engender trust and respect. This is so true! With these issues at focus, by some means included another slide about “Emotional Intelligence” some thing to do with one’s capacity to recognize ones own feelings and those of others, for motivating people at work place (When you are a person leading a team, motivation is a B I G B I G word) and to manage emotions well in oneself and his/her relationship. I feel close to everything which relates to emotions. Hahaha… I don’t know if people are going to freak out seeing my presentation with a slide on Emotional Intelligence. Hahaha… Booo Boo Booooooooooooooooooooooooooo them!! I care a damn, each one to his own thoughts.

Anyways, I got to get back to work now and finish this presentation. Or my conscious will cry with injustice to my work. Hahaha… Something like that. Will catch with you once I get home. Chaio c ya… Happy dreaming all you beautiful people Muuuaaaaahhhh!

M y M o r n i n g P u r s u i t

Morning every one! Well its 7:05am. Back from my early morning run. Yea, I started to run sometime back with advice from a friend. And believe it it's so refreshing for the mind and the body. When I run, I feel the urge to run a step further everyday without anything or anyone around to stop me. Today, I ran about 2.5Km, trying to beat my own record of 3km. One fine day will succeed. The morning empty roads, the fresh breeze, the clear sky and the sound of the trees talking makes me feel so contended about life. Anyway it sure beautiful watching the sun rise while I run.

It’s been 2 days, since I have started to read the Longman Active Study Dictionary of English. Yea, I realized that my vocabulary is not been so good, when a friend made me realize how bad or how not so good was I with my words. Have you ever felt, when someone says something which is true? You kind of don’t feel pessimistic or regrettable; instead you try to make it up so that ano one else will say the same thing. Ahh! I too feel that way. These kinds of thoughts or phrases make me take life as a challenge and work towards it. So, coming to my bad vocabulary or not so good…call it anything you want. It’s like the kind of place and the people, who work around me, who use just the common words and technical terms. That I don’t get to use or practice my words on them, sometimes at work I use some words and finally I got to explain what it means as well. Hahaha… yea, it happens all the times. So, I decided to run through the Dictionary for about an hour everyday after the run. Have completed till the word “Al-tru-is-m” -consideration of the happiness and good of others before one’s own. The Dictionary has got some 707 pages, I should be able to finish it in like say a month or so.

Today after my study on words, I got to get to my travel agent. I have been saving and planning to take a vacation to a place where I have never been before a place here I got to meet a friend. So, have to check on the availability of the tickets and the necessary formalities :-( Then get back home and might be take a nap and move my ass to work by evening. Hey, I didn't tell you guys na, that i work late night. Aaah! will let you know about work sometime soon. By the way, the pencil sketch is 9.45% done a long long way to go still.

I so miss something ...no not what? bye for now

K i s m a t T w i s t

Ahhh!!! It’s 00:00am.

Today the damn stupid internet is fine even when it's raining. I hate my service provider, cause every time it rains. The local guy who provides the internet service goes about switching off the H-U-B (i.e. a Kind of device used to provide multiple internet connections from one single point). Why he switches off the H-U-B? Because, when the water gets into the equipment, it kind of short circuits and has to be replaced with a new one. Something like that I suppose is what my friend told me. Anyways hope this damn internet works when required. At least when it's life or death situation...

First thing first, me feeling ok, better, kind of fine after going out to meet friends. Came home sometime back slept for a while and now am here, started to work on my so called art. As, it give soothens my mind. Yea yea yea... yes I kind of loved to draw, oil paint and pencil sketch. Though, pencil sketch is what I love the most as it was the only source which I could find when I needed or when I wanted to draw and articulate my thoughts on paper at any give split second. You know what? I have won the 1st place in every painting and drawing competition (at school- off school- college) since my 1st grade. Except once in my 8th grade when I drew with my then fractured right hand and had to settle for a second place. In all I have some 24 certificates of which 23 of them are 1st places. It's so cool na. Hahaha... it's not self praising; it's just about how my journey’s been. The bright outlook of the old days. Life seemed to have just been painted all over once I entered the college phase of life, never got a chance or time to take off to draw, paint etc. Things which I loved in life and which had so closely grown into my heart. Painting and drawing gives me a kind of kick and time to think of shaping something in life which is in my own hands and to get it to a point of self satisfaction. Ahh!! I really miss my passion. So, have started with a pencil sketch, once done will surely put it here. And of course my other work too would be put across once I gather them and take a picture of them. Most of my work has been distributed among friends, they came they saw and they took... Hahaha... yes, that's true.

I prefer making my own decision about things I got to do in life. But, have you ever felt sometimes that you do things without a second thought... Hahaha no no no I didn't mean doing things insanely. It's about things you do knowingly or not knowingly. Which might be right and might not be at times? Ahh!! It’s about the Heart Factor. Am stuck here...Forget it...

Everyday I read about new room and new locals around place which are emerging. I read about new accomplishment over and over again, I read about how one should straighten out to better off others and those they love, every single day. But nothing makes my heart beat like the way it does when I receive messages from people who love me and especially from those who ask how I am? Life itself is so beautiful that I found out about how much I have to love myself and people around me, though everything in life could be celebrated even if it's not the best that could have happened to one. It's all about one's K A R - M A in life.

My life seems to be more challenging, more risky and more complicated right now. But, I love these ups and down of my confused life. The mere factor of finding the truth and the answers to the whole lot of questions about life in itself is called L I F E. I feel stronger and more secure knowing the path that I would be taking in life and the path that would lead me to my belief about life.

Keep watching this space for more insane me stuff. Hahaha…

A c u t e L e a v e

Ahh !! I am not keeping well, have a shooting pain in my head. My nose is blocked and have temperature. I have no idea what I ate or drank yesterday and today. That's made me fall sick today.

God, thinking about falling sick. This must be the first day since I started my career here at the workplace that i work that I am taking a sick leave... Yes, it's been 3 years 7 months since me taking a sick leave. Ufff... anyways touch wood that everything was fine till now.

So, today I called my manager and said that it would not be possible for me to get to work. He was fine with it, except couple of updates that need to be accomplished. So, I had to call my client who is around in India and educate her what tasks at hand needs to be prioritized today at work.

Thinking about this followup on work, even when am at home makes me feel like a head case. Hahaha... Kya kare aadath se jo pad gayi hei :-D ab sae no work from home only from office. My home is my leisure no can do any office work anymore.

Now, I will get going out. It's a beautiful evening and you know what it's raining. I just love it. I don't know how many of you know this, Bangalore is one place where we have summer for say like 2 months in a year and most of the other times the climate is just perfect. So, will get out in this weather, can't resist to get out. Will go meet friends and check my liberary if any new author's book's around. C you suun...

L i f e s S u b c o n s c i o u s - M o n d a y

My my my heated dimak with the hot sun shining upon my short haired dome. Hahahaha it’s so bloody hot outside at 12:53pm.

I just returned from my Bangalore University, had been there for enquiring my half left studies. Yea, I had got a merit B.E seat with a ranking of 6,853 of the 23,869 people who were eligible for the B.E course; this was after my Pre university (12th Grade) course. But, discontinued my Bachelor of Engineering – CIVIL from University Vishweshwariah College of Engineering shortly know as (U.V.C.E) In my 3rd Year. Why?

Because the urge of survival and the urge of standing on my own feet was so set in motion way back in 2000-2001 that I just Quit. No regrets though, as after my discontinuation of my studies I got serious with the job I was doing at my work place and started to concentrate and completely forgot about what I had to do in life. Forget it for now, it’s a whole long story. But, the present work that I do is not that bad; it’s just my realization of what I need to do in life makes it feel bad. Hahaha…Now coming to the point of why I had been to my University is that, as I have planned to study and do what I aimed to do in life, wanted to check if I could complete my graduation from where I left and then go about with the next education of PG or MBA in a specialized subject which would not only make a difference to my life but to others as well.

The sweet attender (who attends to people’s quire’s) at my college still remembers me, WOW. I was happy that he knew who I was. Nothing as in a celebrity :-D , recognizing as such. But, I used to be the Sports Secretary with the College Students Union and you know people kind of knew who I was. My name still shines on the student’s union board at the college. Hahahaha... So, after which I got to know that the person who was in charge of enquiries of these kind of issues was on a leave and I have to return sometime later.

So, it was a waste of time today. The funny part is when with a sad bummed out face I was returning, the attender who recognized me says “Sir, don’t worry take my mobile number and give me a call. Will let you know when that person is back at work” I was like WOW my college attender has a mobile phone, which is so cool :-). We exchanged numbers and I would have to go again sometime later this week to know the status on my Graduation by giving a call to my attender :-D at the university. Hahahaha... How these Mobile phone have captured everyone's life on this planet. I feel when I leave home; I might forget my Jocks, but not my mobile. Hahaha. This is life can't help it, have something to say will do sometime later. Got to go take a nap before I start my work.

So, this was how the morning was spent. Wish me luck, just like that. :-D

A N e w I d e n t i t y

I just closed my 1st blogpage 2 days back. Why? I had started to blog sometime back to express my thoughts. But, in life at times you do things which you cannot express or say why?. This is one of them. Trying to predict too many things around in life, trying to balance myself, my life with love I got lost and so confused that I had to shut it forever. Even while am writing this, my thoughts are running all around my dome and I need a place to express myself. So, had to start a fresh page to fill in my daily encounter with my life.

Coming to Why i named this blog as K A R - M A? When the acquiescence of one's ethic's arise. It's like when one's unity and his real being is questioned. The phase of one's identification and realization in itself is so confusing. Sometimes, the deeds we do are right and sometimes wrong. Accepting what life beholds for one? is hard as in H A R D at times. But, truth is this is life.

Now I need to get out of house and go. I have this lunch date every sunday with my 4 lovely friends, which I hate to miss. I love them and I love the untimate reality called L I F E. bye